Hot Mess Mama

In my old, pre-children, well-put-together, organized, head-on-straight, ready-for-anything life I was very predictable.  As much as I want to be that way now I just can't get it all together.  Instead, I find myself doing crazy, brainless things. 

One recent Sunday morning, Brian was coming off a long call night.  The boys woke early, we ate breakfast, dressed for church and had enough time to spare to watch cartoons and play a game.  We were doing great.  Once the older boys were nestled on the couch watching their cartoons, Kennon and I went back upstairs so I could finish getting ready.  He started getting sleepy so I laid him down for a short nap. 

I finished getting ready, started some laundry and played a game with the older boys.  Then, suddenly, as if the past 25 minutes hadn't just past, my heart sank and I tore through the house yelling Kennon's name and searching frantically.  I thought surely he had crawled off the back deck or was playing in the street.  I had the older boys helping me search.

Finally, Brian woke from his sleep, walked to Kennon's room and reminded me Kennon was sleeping. 
As relief swept over me and my heart slowed to its regular pace I wondered where my brain had gone. 

I've put formula in the coffee pot because I scoop it far more often than coffee.  We occassionally find diapers - clean diapers so far - in the freezer.  I've driven off with countless items on the hood or cab of my car.  I've accepted a snotty shoulder as an added accessory thanks to cuddling my boys and finger prints on my pants as a way of life.  I've accepted that a spit bath will - occassionally - take the place of a real bath in the name of everyone getting to bed on time. 

As much as this frustrates me at times and makes the butt of jokes with friends and relatives I am still hopeful this is a phase and someday I'll be my old self again only with a lot more experience and a family full of rowdy and lovable boys to enjoy life with.